I Do
by Mae1
Summary: Hamilton receives unhappy news which faces him to face his past mistakes.
1. Disbelief

Part 1  
  
I got a letter today   
An invitation   
And the writing looked like you   
Hello how are you and by the way   
Please RSVP I do   
  
"Six years without a word and now this? " Hamilton screamed out loud. In his hands was a wedding invitation--Jacqueline Pratt's to be exact. Tears swelled up in his eyes. He walked towards the couch and sat down. "I can't...I can't believe this," he said quietly.   
  
While it had been six years since Hamilton last saw and spoke to her, the pain and anger he felt at that moment was real and with it came the realization that he had been the one that caused all the hurt he was feeling. He looked up, to see a picture of the two of them back at Rawley, the day before graduation, with Jake in boy gear. In fact, no one knew Jake's secret but him, Bella, Scout, and Will. It wasn't until the graduation ceremony was over that she revealed herself.   
  
That fall, he and Jake both went to Columbia University in New York, Will to Cornell, while Scout and Bella moved to Philadelphia where Scout attended the University of Pennsylvania and she, Temple University. The Thanksgiving after they had gone to see Bella's mom, she came to town and told them the truth about who Bella's father really was. They'd been together ever since.   
  
Though the five friends had all gone there separate ways, they had managed to stay close friends, getting together whenever they could and always going someplace wonderful for spring break--Cancun, Paris, India, and Hawaii. But for Hamilton, nothing compared to the time he spent with Jake. Living together in Manhattan was the best thing that ever happened to them, though at times Hamilton wondered what life would be like without her. He didn't really wanna picture what that life would be like, but when times got rough, he thought about it a lot. A little too much.   
  
As he reflected on their years together, he fell in love with her all over again. He loved her then and he still did. But things were different now. Everything had changed. "Too late now buddy. You gave up the right to her a long time ago," he thought to himself. "Nothing you can do now."   
  
I thought of writing sad words of how it used to be   
But I didn't want to bring you down, no   
I guess the bells will ring pretty well there without me   
Don't worry 'bout me baby I'll wear the thorny crown   
I will play the clown   
  
Hamilton picked up the phone and dialed the numbers--remembering them clearly. It rang twice until SHE answered.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
Silence.   
  
"Is anyone there?"   
  
He hung up without saying anything. For a while, Hamilton, kept his hand on the phone, staring at it, asking himself why he didn't just say something. He picked it up again and dialed, except this time, he was calling someone else.   
  
"Scout Calhoun, attorney at law."   
  
"Hey its me...Hamilton."   
  
"Ham? Hi! How are you? It's not Thanksgiving yet is it?" replied his friend, surprised to hear from a man who only called two or three times a year. After a moment of uncertainty, he continued, "I'm glad you called. What's up?"   
  
"D-did you hear about...about Jake?"   
  
Scout, knowing full well what Hamilton was talking about, hesitantly answered, "Yeah, yeah. She uhh...came to visit Bella and me a few weeks ago. She loves Philadelphia in the fall, remember?"   
  
"Of course. I remember, " Hamilton responded forlornly. "So, I guess... I guess umm you're going then?"   
  
"Yeah. Will's gonna be there too. Mr. Big Shot author finding time out of his hectic schedule just for us," Scout retorted jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. "You should go. I mean, Ham, it's been a long time since...you two."   
  
"I know, but well , you know."   
  
"Know what?"   
  
Taking a deep breath, Hamilton said, "I still love her."   
  
  



	2. Remembering

Part 2

Part 2

_``_

If you think that I don't love you, you're just wrong 

And that don't matter now anyway 

I couldn't bear to see you up there with a white dress on 

Here's my vow to you 

I'll stay away 

That night, Hamilton couldn't sleep. Instead, he spent the early hours of the morning on the balcony of his southern California beach front apartment. The memory of her still lingered in his mind. It had been 13 years since he first met her, but the feelings were still the same. The wonderful times they spent together, repeating in his mind like a broken record. He looked out at the ocean, the waves crashing onto the shore. Unlike before, the tears were falling freely now, unabashedly and uncontrollably. He thought back to that day, that uncharacteristically warm October day in New York when he told Jake it was over. As he recalled the scene, he couldn't even remember why he did it. He lied to her, told her he didn't love her anymore, that he was "tired" of it all, and needed to see what else was out there for him. I don't love you anymore? What a lie. Good one Ham. Good one. 

That conversation grew realer and realer in his mind. It was like he was there again, with her, destroying the only love he had ever known. He had broken her. He saw it now and knew from the beginning that he would, but it didn't stop him. 

Jake cried softly and simply said, "Okay. Okay. I guess I can't keep you if you don't want me anymore. But I, I..." 

Hamilton moved closer to her, but she stepped backed. Her bottom lip was quivering and drops of liquid fell onto her cheeks. Regaining her composure and finished her thought by saying, " I love you. But we both know I can't make you stay so..I'm just going to have to learn how to live without you." 

She hugged him and looked into his piercing blue eyes one last time. 

"Goodbye Jake," he whispered, gripping her tightly in his arms. 

Emotions overpowering her, she sobbed deeply, "Goodbye Hamilton." 

The memory made him groan in agony. He remembered her walking off without even turning back. That was the last time he ever saw her. Days after that, he moved to Los Angeles, where his photography career blossomed. But his success didn't make up for all he had given up. He had left Jake to find what else was out there for him. But he never found it. He had given her up--and she WAS what was out there for him. 

I remember when in a lover's whisper you said 

No other man would ever share your bed 

Well we both know that's not been so 

And I wish I'd never let you go now 

You found a better man instead 

I wish you health and wealth and a white house on a hill and I 

I hope you raise a family 

Little boy and a little girl, a little more joy in this little old world 

Well, that'd be enough for me 

Now here he was. Alone. Far away from everyone he loved. Everyone that mattered to him. Scout, Bella, Will...and Jake. He had just lost touch, calling and writing only on birthdays and holidays. Hamilton was lonely--he had brought it upon himself. He broke Jake's heart and cut himself off from the people that cared about him. Even though he knew it would hurt him, there was only one thing left to do. Go back. Go back and face her. 


	3. Homecoming

Part 3

Part 3

_``_

Time rolls on

_``_

And dreams they die

_``_

And I've thrown out the pictures I had of you and I

_``_

And if you're ever wondering if love can be true

_``_

Well, think of me and remember darling like I, like I do

"Flight No. 114 from Los Angeles now arriving at Gate 13."

``

Will, Bella, and Scout waited impatiently for him to arrive. They were older now, all of 28. Will, retaining his boyish charm and poetic eloquence; Bella, radiant as ever and six months pregnant; and Scout, stoic, yet soft and as in love with Bella as ever, marrying her two months prior to Hamilton's move to Los Angeles. 

The passengers exited the plane and it wasn't until almost all of them had filed out that Hamilton appeared. 

Bella ran up and flung her arms around him. "It's so good to see you," she told him, nearly yelling with joy. 

He pulled away, still holding her arms and exclaimed, "You too mommy! You look...just like I remember...well except for the swelling stomach." 

They all laughed at his remark and soon Scout and Will were crushing him with a group hug.

``

The guys finally released Hamilton from their clutch. For the first time in a long time, Hamilton felt truly happy. He pondered why he had stayed away for so long. 

"Gees, its good to see you again. That California sunshine is hard to resist huh?" questioned Will.

``

Hamilton shot him a smile. "Pretty much. But, I've been busy. Yeah, busy."

``

"Uh huh," Scout chimed in. "Well you're here now. The four of us...together again. This is great stuff."

``

Hamilton agreed. It was great. Still, he couldn't help but wish that Jake was there too. He was anxious to see her and at the same time scared. The thought of her marrying someone else was killing him. 

Bella saw the look in Hamilton's eyes. She instantly knew what he was thinking about. To break him from his thoughts, she pulled him by the arm and announced that it was time to go. 

For an hour, they struggled through New York traffic. As they drove through the city, Hamilton couldn't help but be in awe. He had lived in New York before, but somehow it was different. It was as if he was seeing everything for the first time. He had forgotten how much he loved the city. The bright lights, busy streets, neverending commotion--all forced Hamilton to admit what he had left behind. Being in the city reminded him of her. He looked out the window picturing the two of them walking down the streets, hand in hand, smiling, laughing--happy. 

Bella, who could see Hamilton from the rear view mirror, couldn't help but feel bad for him. She could see that while he was glad to be with them again, he was upset. It had a long time since him and Jake, but Bella empathized. 

She was lucky to have married her first love and have such a wonderful life. Bella didn't want to imagine what her world would have been like if she and Scout hadn't ended up together. Silently, she prayed that everything would turn out okay for him.

``

Finally, they arrived at Will's TriBeCa loft. It was large, yet cozy. The walls were adorned with pictures of the five of them--at Rawley, on their many trips, at graduation. Hamilton stared at them, reminiscing about the past, thinking to himself that if he could only turn back time, he would have done things differently. 

"The best years of my life," Will started. He was standing next to Hamilton now, looking at the photos. "I'm glad they've been spent with you guys."

``

Hamilton turned to him. Will's simple words touched him. He looked at his friend, grinned, trying hard not to get choked up, but it was no use. Hamilton broke down in tears. Between his sobs came apoligies--for shutting them out, for not being around. Scout, Bella, and Will comforted him, assuring Hamilton that everything was okay. He was back. That was enough for them.

``

After what was a good 30 minutes, Hamilton was smiling again. Six years of loneliness and emptiness had come pouring out in his cries. He realized how much these people cared about him and how much he needed them...as if he never knew. 

They congregated in front of a window, looking down to the busy street; the noise of cars and people filling the air. For awhile, it seemed like they were just going to stand there the whole night…in silence, staring out the window. Hamilton broke it. 

"I don't think I can do it. It's too hard," he whispered. "I though I could, but being here, so close to her and yet not being able to be with her. It's just...too much. I can't go to the wedding tomorrow. I won't."

``

Scout glanced at Hamilton, who's eyes had never wavered from whatever it was he was looking at. Though he knew nothing he said would console him, he didn't want him to turn back now. 

"Look, I understand how difficult this must be. If I were you, I'd probably be acting the same way," Scout concurred. 

"But you got to do what you got to do. You came here to see her, to talk to her, to get some closure. Now, not seeing her would go against the whole…uhh plan you had going." 

Will, who was standing next to Hamilton, put his hand on his shoulder. "We don't mean to pry and push you. We just want to get you through this. Running away from her is not going to make things better for you. You know that."

``

Inside, Hamilton wanted to die. They were right. However, admitting that he had lost Jake was too much to handle. 

He walked towards the picture wall and pointed at one. It was of him and Jake at Scout and Bella's wedding. Jake 

looked exquisite in a light blue, form fitting gown. Her hair was still short--she had grown accustomed to her pixie cut. Hamilton, decked out in traditional tux, had his arms wrapped around her and giving her a kiss on the cheek. 

With her arms around Hamilton's neck, she smiled genuinely for the camera. 

"I almost asked her to marry me that night," Hamilton revealed. It was the first time he had told anyone that information. "Stupid mistake. I should've. The wedding tomorrow...should've happened six years ago...except she should've married me." 

He retreated to one of the rooms and lay on the bed. Minutes later, Bella knocked on the door and asked if she could come in. He got up and opened the door. They sat on the bed facing each other. Hamilton was surprised to see her on the brink of tears. What could she be upset about? Had he struck a nerve?

``

Bella rubbed her eyes, preventing the water from escaping them. Taking his hand, she stared him in the eyes. She had always had a way of being able to get through to him when he was having troubles--especially with Jake. Bella found way to alleviate his pain--with just a few words or her shoulder to cry on.

``

Minutes passed yet nothing was said. When she finally did speak, it was simple. "She'd want you to be there. She'd want to see you again." Hamilton was motionless. He seemed unnerved by her comments, so she spoke again. 

"Hamilton, you love her. You always will. And she'll always love you. Don't shut her out. Not again. Because if you do, there won't be a next time to try come back in."

``

He nodded. He understood now. Maybe he always did. He loved Jake. So, he decided what to do. His mind was set. Hamilton smiled at Bella and hugged her good night. When she left the room, he could hear her discussing what had happened with Will and Scout, who had stationed themselves outside the door. Uneasy as he was, he managed to fall asleep. 


	4. Realization

Part 4

Part 4

``

The next morning...

"God! I thought you weren't coming?! Oh Hamilton, oh I'm so happy you're here!"

"You know I wouldn't have missed this for anything," he remarked, knowing full well that if it weren't for the others, he never would have made it to the wedding. He had spent the whole morning regretting coming back to the east. But now, he was here with her, even if she wasn't his anymore, it still made him happier than he had been in a long time to see her smile--that smile--and her beautiful face.

She kissed him on the cheek, causing him to tingle. He laughed a little and looked her in the eyes. "Hi boy," he said matter of factly.

Jake blushed a little."Those baby blues of yours. Haven't change a bit! Blue as ever," she stopped a moment. It seemed like she had lost what she wanted to do next and then she spoke.

"I know this comes at a real...well, weird time, but I just wanted to say...you did the right thing you know? I mean, you were right. Being with me wasn't allowing you to be the best person you could be and vice versa. And even though it was really hard for awhile, I realized that it was what was best. And I want to thank you for doing that because I wouldn't have had the courage to let you."

The old lovers stared into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Jake, taking Hamilton's hands, started again.

"You'll always be with me Hamilton...in my heart...you'll always be my first love. You taught me so much. I'm so grateful to have had you in my life. Never forget that."

Hamilton smiled at her, holding back tears. ''I know. Jake, you'll always be part of me, too."

They embraced and a single tear ran down his face. He hadn't expected it to be this way. Gaining all the courage he had, Hamilton whispered, "I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you and now, you are. You love this guy...you really do."

Still embracing him she responded, "I do Hamilton...I do."

The wedding went on without a hitch. Hamilton sat quietly next to Will, Bella, and Scout. He wished that it was him standing at the altar next to Jake, vowing to love her for the rest of his life. But he realized that their time had passed. He loved her. Too much to ruin the new life she had built--without him. Though it hurt him to watch it all, Hamilton knew that he had to let her go. As the couple began their vows, he smiled to himself, knowing that he had done the right thing.

__

Old friendships fade away, love falls apart  
And you've not spent a single day outside my heart  
But, there's just one more dream that I have left for you  
I hope you're smiling when he turns around and says I do. . .  
I do  
I do 

The End


End file.
